The Arbolog |

I recently sent an email to a friend of mine who had a child about 8 months before me. I remember being pregnant and having a long conversation over email with her about what my thoughts and goals were on breastfeeding. I wrote her an email recently because I knew she of all people could celebrate with me and we could share a laugh at just how incredibly naive I was and just how incredibly patient she was with me when I informed her that I was going to stop breastfeeding as soon as Kale was on solids. I also remember telling her that (and I’m paraphrasing here) “I firmly believe that if you are breastfeeding after a year, its obviously only about YOU as a mother because doy, obviously our Super Babies don’t need that sort of coddling.”

Pardon my French here, but what an effing egotistical, short-sighted, moronic thing to say. Ah, hindsight.

So here we are at over a year, and while Kale’s voracious appetite for breastfeeding is significantly lower than it was, he still heartily enjoys nursing about 3 times a day – occasionally 4 if teething wakes him in the middle of the night. I am shocked at how much I enjoy the times we nurse (although, admittedly, I’m not particularly married to the idea of 3 or 4AM feedings, thanks), but I really enjoy the fact that sitting down for a feeding means I have a few minutes where we are cuddling, and peaceful, and not go-go-go like both Kale and I seem to be these days. I enjoy the fact that we can chill out for a few minutes and have some together time.

I have no intention of changing things. I’m working a few nights a week, and working all day at the market on market day, but Kale has adjusted nicely to the schedule which means that as long as it’s working for him, it’s working for me. I’m not sure what my end goal is anymore, either. At one point I set my sights pretty short – I wanted to make it to six months. And then I wanted to make it till a year. And a year came and went and I didn’t feel the need to “re-evaluate” because there was nothing that I felt needed evaluation. It works. End of story.

Rainbows and sugar fairies aside, I do wonder sometimes if the fact that he is still breastfed is contributing to Kale’s inability to sleep through the night. That dreaded question keeps coming up now that he’s turned one, and I was at a birthday party recently for one of Kale’s little buddies where I was asked “Is he a good boy and is sleeping through the night?” and I replied “He’s an excellent boy, but he doesn’t sleep through the night”. I felt defensive about it because it’s been niggling me that he doesn’t sleep through the night (although, weirdly, we have just gone through a incredible week-long heat wave here in the Lower Mainland, and Kale slept through the night on two occasions. What the Hecks?). Another friend is feeding her little one both breastmilk and formula and he has been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks. He’s also a chubby heifer and Kale’s such a skinny mini the thought does cross my mind that my breastmilk isn’t enough nutrition. I know that it’s all about the individual but seriously, would tanking him up on formula help? Mama would like some better sleeps, plz, kthxbai, so maybe? I don’t know. My doctor and Kale’s doctor seems to think that we’re fine as-is and his skinny-mini-ness is not an issue.

Kale’s like his Daddy (or at least, like his Daddy when he was landscaping for a living and not driving a desk or a car for a living, right Ross?) and appears to have the metabolism of a fruit fly, so I wonder if anything would keep him asleep for longer. These are questions that there’s only one way to find out and honestly, I don’t care that much to completely mess with what’s working for us. I hope that someday soon Kale will simply stop waking in the middle of the night, but if he doesn’t I keep reminding myself that this too will pass and this is just a few years of our lives and that’s okay.

He doesn’t go to sleep on his own either, and that’s a bridge that we need to cross soon but I flat out refuse to let him Cry It Out as has been suggested to me. I think if a parent makes the choice to do that, then okay fine, you’re the boss, but although both Ross and I have suggested it to one another half heartedly at 2AM when SOMEONE is wailing and crying and NOTHING is working, I can’t get on board with that for Kale so it flat out isn’t going to happen. I feel sometimes like there isn’t an alternative – like it’s one “method” or the other: Cry It Out or Baby Calls the Shots and this whole Baby Calls the Shots method is simply no longer working.

But, like so many other things when it comes to parenting, I choose the path of least resistance and so here we are. It takes about 10 minutes (on average) to get Kale to sleep, including nursing time, but he’s got to be put into his bed in such a drowsy state that he’s not with us in this plane of consciousness or he is instantly alert and will wail at the indignity of being put to sleep. He doesn’t drift off peacefully on his own but on the other hand, it’s not usually difficult. And yes, he is still addicted hopelessly to his sucky at bedtime, although we’ve made good strides in that area and it seems to only be required at bed, so now it stays put away until bed.

I’m waiting for Kale to tell me he’s done with breastfeeding, and I get inklings that he’s going to do that in the first half of his second year rather than the second half. He has not comfort nursed for about 6 months now, not even when he hurts himself or is teething. Nursing is not the one and only formula for going to sleep, but it certainly helps. Ross doesn’t need to feed him a bottle unless I am gone for great lengths of time, which is good since I have been unable to pump for ages so a bottle  = formula. We’ve started whole organic milk now, which he appears to enjoy but not demand from us.

So breastfeeding after a year, which Iused to think was only for hippies and weirdos, is where we are at. And our family is totally okay with it.

Kale has been a distracted little bugger while nursing these past few days. Now that he has become a member of the sitting world, and is very very close to becoming a member of the crawling world, all he wants to do while he should be nursing is rolling away and partying like a rock star on his hands and knees. We still nurse most commonly while lying down, its something I find comfy and cozy and we cover up with a blanket and snuggle down. I am capable and occasionally do nurse in other positions but the side lying is far and away the best one for us both. But the side lying position gives Kale the opportunity to unlatch, and roll away and so nursing has been a bit of a challenge this past few days while I chase El Bambino Distracto around on the bed.

I was looking for some ideas online about what to do – and I read on the Kelly Mom forums about nursing necklaces – a necklace you wear while you are breastfeeding. The idea is that it keeps baby’s attention a little more focussed while they nurse rather than unlatching to go check out whatever it is over there that has their attention. They linked a few different sites for SAHM who make them, and while I’d love to pay a mom to make one for me, I am simply not interested in spending $40+ on something I can make myself. 

So I hit Micheal’s the other day and rooted through their clearance bin until I found some acrylic faux amber beads and then grabbed a bit of hemp string and voila!

From Miscellaneous

Kale likes it – he likes to wave it back and forth and I think he likes the noise of it clinking together. He’s also taste-tested it, of course, and pronounces it delicious. I pull it out only when we are nursing to keep it special. When we are done breastfeeding, I will likely take it apart and rework the beads and make something I wear since I love amber so much.

Kale is six months old yesterday.This was supposed to auto-publish yesterday, darn it. 

Six months old is a huge milestone no matter who you ask. Books identify six months old as the start of toddlerhood and the end of being a newborn. I am stunned at the amount and range of emotions I have felt over this past six months. I am stunned at what Kale has accomplished and the person he has become. He has my eyes and my nose still, but other than that the baby who looked just like me looks more and more like his Daddy every day.  

From Kale 3 to 6 months

He is a mover and a shaker now. Kale has places to go and things to do and people to see. He has taught us we can no longer trust that he will lie still. He took a tumble off the couch the other day, and has slid off the bed and out of his bouncy chair once too.  He has almost mastered getting his bum up in the air and can hold his front end up with ease, and its only in his sleep that he seems to be able to put the two together. He likes to roll, too, and what used to be a 2 minute diaper change is now a 10 minute baby wrangling fest. We’ve learned that we have to give Kale a diaper to chew on and wave around in order to get the 30 seconds we require to fasten his diapers. 

He is Mr. Grabby Hands now, too. If he can reach for it, he wants it. If he can see it, he wants to reach for it. And if he can get it, it goes straight in his mouth. He sometimes scratches and pinches my face and when he is nursing, his arm NEVER STOPS MOVING. He loves Mooki – perhaps too much. If he can get close enough to her to touch her, he will grab at her fur and forget to let go. We’re trying to teach him “gentle”. I think that one will be used a lot in the coming months. 

His favorite toys still includes the chip bag. We graduated to a different, more crinkly chip bag because the other one kept leaving red chip dust everywhere. 

From Kale 3 to 6 months

Other favorite toys are the rubber spatula, which he waves around like a scepter and gnaws on like a beaver; the round plastic disks my breast pump is meant to stand up on; anything cloth including shirts, dishcloths, his new feelie I made him, and especially his socks; and one of the few actual “baby toys” in his toy box, the Octoplush. Ahhh. the Octoplush.

From Kale 3 to 6 months

A month ago, Kale started solids and we have worked ourselves up to once or twice a day now. He isn’t really keen on boring old rice cereal anymore, now that I have introduced him to peas, yogurt, carrots, cheerios, and Baby Num Num Crackers. He loves those and bites them off with gusto. He also has received a taste of carrots and celery boiled in turkey stock, then ground down and strained using my new manual food mill. He wasn’t totally sure what to make of the turkey flavour but was eager to eat. He loves loves loves banana. 

We feed him with two spoons – one for waving around and pounding on his chair, the other for eating.

From Kale 3 to 6 months

I also discovered that rice cereal is like freakin’ cement and had to pull out a knife and chip a dried blob off that I missed during clean up. Wow. Someone should market that stuff as a commercial adhesive.

This past two months has been the Time of Bad Sleeps for us. We’ve tried all sorts of things and I recently learned that Kale likes to sleep on his tummy. He sleeps easily and relaxed on his tummy, and he turns himself over if placed on his back. So I started just putting him to sleep there. He hasn’t been feeding as well at night as he used to – waking and screechy, but uninterested in eating and only wanting to be soothed and cuddled. His naps range from 20 minutes to 3 hours and there is absolutely no consistency, other than what time he seems to want them. I have a system now to get him to nap – we cuddle in the chair in his room for a bit, and I rock him or pat him or draw circles on his forehead, and I sing “You Are My Sunshine” to him. Sometimes I tickle him and we giggle and he offers me his sucky. Having this system is helping. Downside? I only know two verses of “You Are My Sunshine” and sometimes it takes 10 verses to chill him down.  He is sleeping better this past week, but I am convinced that the Time of Bad Sleeps is closely related to the next most important topic in Kale’s life: teeth. 

We have no teeth yet, but all sorts of teething pain. This kid is like Beaver Boy and will gnaw and gnaw and gnaw. I’ve had to cut off my fingernails really short because of all the gnawing he wants to do (and subsequent screeching that occurs when he bites down on a sharp fingernail). His gums are white and painful looking. His huge toothless grin, however, will be something I will miss desperately when the teeth finally arrive. It’s hard to get a picture of his huge big grin – he sees the camera and wants to grab it and eat it and the smile is wiped from his face and is replaced by the look of suspicion. I swear he really does have the most lovely big smile. 

From Kale 3 to 6 months

With the introduction of solids, I often wonder how long we will be breastfeeding for. Originally, I set my goal to breastfeed for 6 months and then re-evaluate. I was made to feel badly on more than one online forum and by at least one “expert” because I didn’t commit to a year right from the get go, or better yet, indefinitely or because I had the gall to use a pump and bottles. For me, it was about setting small obtainable goals. I had so many struggles with breastfeeding – I was pumping exclusively from one side for about 3 months and was strangely lopsided as a result – until Kale and I finally connected and managed a good latch. I have to pause here to give all sorts of respect to a lactation consultant named Freida for giving me the confidence to keep at it despite the negativity. 

Kale pretty much never comfort nurses now. He will holler at me if he is done feeding but I try and put him back on. He will get completely irate. He seeks out his soother after a feeding and when it’s time for a nap. I love the breastfeeding relationship I have with Kale and am surprised at how much I enjoy it.  I’m sometimes jealous of the soother, but the relationship he has with it is something we created way back in the beginning when he didn’t stop comfort sucking for ages at a time so I know it’s our doing and I know it’s our job to undo it.  In the back of my mind I worry about the day we will have to perform a sucky intervention. But, you know, bridges to be crossed later and all that. 

So here it is at 6 months and I ask myself what my breastfeeding goal is now that I have triumphed and met my first goal? And my new goal is this: keep going. If we make it to a year, I’ll re-evaluate again. And as long as Kale wants to make it there, we will, because it’s not going to be me that makes the choice, it will be him.

This Saturday will also mark a very special day for Kale – his first Waterbabies class. This is something that Ross is going to do with Kale so that they have a special relationship too. I’m going to go to a future class and take pictures and I’ll likely spend some time in the hot tub (oh darn) but I really want to encourage Kale to love his daddy as much as me. We’ve noticed a tiny inkling of an overdeveloped connection to me (not surprisingly) the odd few times I have managed to get out of the house without Kale. I’d like to sign up for some crafty classes this year, so I want to encourage Daddy – Son bonding time so that its FUN when I am not home, not “The Great Countdown Till Mommy is Back”.

So here we are at 6 months, the Great Divide that separates us as Parents-of-a-Newborn, and Parents-of-a-Toddler. Ross and I will be going out for the first time later this month without Kale, and he’ll stay home with his Gran. It will be nice to have time with Ross without us comparing notes on poop or his naps or when he ate last. I’m nervous, of course, and I know the entire time we are gone I will be thinking of Kale, and we’ll call a few times, I am sure. 

I can’t say I have ever loved someone this hard or this fiercely (sorry, Ross, haha). I’m glad I still make time for things I love, like crafty things or having some time with my girlfriends but in the day to day scheme of things, Kale is the reason I get up and the reason I put on a happy face and honestly, I didn’t know I could be this happy. 

From Kale 3 to 6 months

I think I have mentioned that Kale and I have had some struggles with breastfeeding. I don’t really get into too many details about breastfeeding because 1) the Internet doesn’t need to know too much about my boobs, and 2) what I write today will most certainly be different tomorrow. I’m going to lift the boobie censor for a post, here, because there’s been some good stuff as of late. 

One of the constant struggles we’ve had since day one is a crappy, crappy latch on my right side. What felt like a good latch was actually terrible, and I would be in so much pain afterwards I’d be in tears.  When Kale was about 3 or 4 weeks old, I started using a breast pump instead of trying so hard to work through the problems on that breast, and we would bottle feed Kale when it would normally be time for him to feed from the right side. This system worked for, well, about 2 months now. 

Little lactational science lesson here: one of the problems with exclusive pumping is that the breast responds differently to a pump than it does to an infant, no matter how bad the infant is and how good the pump is. And so as time has gone on, and my hormones have stabilized, I have gotten less and less milk when I pump and it actually dropped to a point where I was supplementing the feeds with either my freezer stash or by having to latch him to my left breast for a while. I tried supplementing with fenugreek for a week or so and it wreaked havoc on my ulcerative colitis so I had to discontinue it. Also, it made me smell like maple which was slightly disconcerting. I could have dealt with the smell had the digestion not been so unbelievably painful.

This past week things got kind of bad with breastfeeding – as I mentioned we were on Poop Watch (which, thankfully, ended without intervention or confrontation about an hour after I posted that entry) - and one of the best solutions for a poop strike is to nurse nurse nurse nurse. Since breastmilk is so highly digestible, its not (that) scary to keep putting in more milk, and eventually nature will do its thing and the absent poop will come. Couple our poop-free days with some teething, and you have an infant that is angry about food in general and so the screaming? Yeah. It got bad. And the Bad? It made it really damn hard to let down not only to my pump, but also to Kale.

The number one goal of breastfeeding is so obviously simple I think it gets forgotten sometimes, especially when you are trying so hard to do everything else. Number one is feed the baby. Number two? Maintain the milk. So in the moments of misery and awfulness late last week, I chose to feed Kale a bottle of formula because I simply could not let down after almost thirty minutes of us trying and him just going over the edge with misery. Because I remembered that number one rule:  above all, feed the baby.

I am not opposed to formula but at the same time, I really want to be able to breastfeed and I am surprised at how much I enjoy breastfeeding. What started as a “means to an end” and a money saver has become something I actually enjoy when the screaming isn’t happening. That one bottle of formula, however, gave Kale and I a break we both really needed - his tummy was full, my stress level went down and it actually made something happen I honestly didn’t expect.

In the hour after the bottle of formula, where Kale was sated and I was calm, I tried relatching Kale to the right side – the bad side, the side that I normally pump from – and wonder of all wonders, it was an excellent latch. FINALLY Kale’s mouth and my right breast match. Seriously. FInally. Whoa.

For three days now (knock wood) I haven’t pumped once because I’ve been able to meet Kale’s needs with BOTH of my breasts. If you can imagine the relief and the pride I feel at FINALLY being able to make it work like its supposed to. I had gotten over the feelings of failure and was feeling like we were making do with the pumping and bottling, but now? Imagine the little imaginary clouds above my head have parted, and some cherubic voices are harmonizing because Halle-freakin’lujah - Houston, we have liftoff.

Kale is on a poop strike.

I’m not worried because he’s mostly his normal self (I’ll get to that “mostly” bit in a minute), is not running any sort of a fever, his tummy is fine and soft, and he isn’t vomiting. Unfortunately, when you know what’s “going in” you have an idea what should be “coming out” and right now he is not falling in line with that idea and no matter how much you know you shouldn’t be worried, you still sit there waiting for the poop. Who knew my life would be like this? I also think about how incredibly fantastic of a display the poop fireworks will be when they eventually come. I’m actually kinda scared. I joked with Ross this morning that we are on “Poop Watch”. 

I think CNN should do a special on Poop Watch 2008 and discuss all the previous poops, and maybe bring in an analyst to discuss the poops and all the possible reasons why the poops are not here, and maybe do some man on the street interviews, (oops, sorry, “person” on the street interviews), and then we could include some computer generated graphics about the poop, maybe a schematic or something of how the poop should be structured, and why the government should get involved to regulate the poop. And of course, Nancy Grace could put it out there that maybe the lack of poops is a CONSPIRACY and that perhaps it has something to do with aliens or something.

Anyway, so we are on Day 4 of Poop Watch, and I know you are all on the edge of your seat so be assured that I will definitely fill you all in when Kale fills his pants. Because that will be thrilling, let me tell you. I know he’ll be relieved.

But back to that “mostly” normal bit I mentioned earlier. Kale’s been displaying some behaviour while breastfeeding that is truly aggravating. I’m pretty sure he’s feeling a bit of gum pain these days (see also: chews anything near his mouth and drools constantly), and he’s been popping on and off the breast while nursing, at least until I let down. I think its sort of like “Oh my God I am hungry, no wait, that hurts”. I also think he’s hit a bit of a growth spurt (which may account for the Poop Strike) and he gets overly frustrated and upset about the fact that the milk is not immediately delivered. Couple that with the fact that we’ve again had to tweak the breastfeeding routine due to a crappy supply on one side and no longer feed him with bottles every second feeding (I’m exclusively feeding on one side now) so I think the added work I am requesting of him and his mouth is making him miserable. He’s also needing more naps (today he’s already had two and its only 1:30pm) and I’d otherwise be concerned with the extra sleeping except when he’s up and not hungry? He is his normal, happy, hilarious self who is in love with the Jolly Jumper and his Spitty Cloth and going for walks and watching me do stuff like bake cookies.

Every time I feel like I have a good handle on things, it all freakin’ changes and I have to relearn it all over again. Damn, that is frustrating. It’s like herding cats. I’m trying to keep my wits about me and not get worried and not get upset when we go through this re-learning because I know that its going to happen OVER and OVER and OVER until he is like, 18 or something, but it sure is frustrating while you are going through it. I’ve found myself being at the end of my rope a few times this past week, but then you dig in and climb back up to the top and you get stuff like this:

From Kale

My heartstrings? He has them. Maybe we just need more time in front of a warm fire, staring into the flames and soothing the soul:

From Kale

As most of you know, we are breastfeeding Kale and while this past month has been trying as we learn the skill (and its definitely a skill!) of successful breastfeeding, I have had the opportunity to try a few breastfeeding related products, specifically nursing pads.

Now that my milk supply has been established, I am able to report that I am one of those gals with an ample (and by ample, I mean, holy crap where does all this come from?) milk supply and as a result, I need to use nursing pads to contain any “leaks” that occur during the day.

I started off using Lansinoh Disposable Nursing Pads, and while I am happy with their effectiveness, I was really disappointed with the throw-away nature of the product. So I bought some reusable cloth nursing pads, made by Bravado. While they worked to a degree, and I would guess that they would work for someone with less of a milk supply and less of a let down reflex, I found them to be big and bulky, and I was disappointed that they slipped as much as they did. I found I had to constantly readjust them and in looking in the mirror, it was like “Hi! That’s a nice nursing pad in your shirt!”

I finally spent the big bucks ($37) on a pair of Lilypadz Silicone Nursing Pads. These are a silicone, self sticking nursing pad that works by using pressure to stop any leaking. They don’t guarantee that they will stop all leaks – to do so would be silly – but they do advertise that they are suitable to be worn at night, while swimming, and without a bra.

I am happy to report that Lilypadz work pretty good! They are easy to apply, are relatively comfy to wear, and wash well. Cons: if you do leak a bit, you need to remember to take off the Lilypad and absorb the milk, otherwise it can stink pretty quickly. Am I happy I spent $37 on these? Well, yes. Do I recommend them? Definitely.